The end marks a new beginning

Tonight is it. Tonight, I walk across the Franklin Pierce High School Cafetorium stage. I will have gray hair and wrinkles, and spout for too many religiously judgmental things, but I know that I will be 100% present in that moment.

I will stand with my cast one last time.

I will hold Allycen’s hand, my bowing buddy at the end of every show.

And then, I will cry.

Bet you didn’t see that coming! (OK you probably did)

I will cry because it will be the end. I have poured my heart and soul into the FPHS theater program for the last four years, and it all will culminate in a final bow. I’m going to miss backstage dance parties, Saturday morning set days, and the inside jokes that make my heart burst with joy. Trust me that I will never forget the fantastic moments I’ve had.

While I will be sad tonight, I won’t be sad forever, for I will tackle new things, exciting things.

Moving to a new state.

Making new friends.

Learn about my future career.

And tell other people about my life back home.

Unfortunately, this chapter must close. There is no way around it. But the end of one chapter means the start of a new one. Am I ready for that? I think so. At least I will be when the time comes to start writing me new chapters. But, for right now, I will live in the moment and let these chapters end in their entirety. Because nothing is more beautiful than living in the moment.

I'm a scaredy cat

I’m a big scaredy-cat. I’m afraid of snakes, the dark, scary movies, and clowns. There is actually an extremely long list of things I’m afraid of. But, the thing that scares me the most, are the things I have no control over, which leads me to fear dreams.

If you know me, you know that I am a dreamer. (I know that’s a contradiction, but just stay with me.) I’m constantly thinking about my future. Where I’ll live, what college will be like, what job I’ll have, and who I’ll meet are all questions and thoughts that scare me.

I have tried to avoid thinking them, but I just can’t. Every single attempt has failed. So, I’m left with my thoughts and the things I want, but I’m not sure I’ll ever have.

It causes me to not want.

I can’t control how others will feel about me, or what obstacles will be thrown at me or what will happen to others and I can’t waste my time on those thoughts, and neither should you.

I am a part of a fantastic Bible study that has a terrible tendency of sharing everything. Every time I share something I want, one of my desires, my girls always tell me to pray about it, and I usually reply with, “but I’m scared.” Obviously God’s plans are better than my own, but they aren’t my own plans and I’m scared of that. My Bible study leader replies with the same thing every time. “What’s the worst that could happen? He’ll have three replies either yes, not right now, or I have something better.” I then go and pray because Alyson is just a fount of wisdom.

So what desires do you have that you are scared share with God? Because trust me, it’s better than planning for yourself.

(This is my over-dramatic scared face. You like?)