College is weird

*DISCLAIMER: Please pardon this mild bout of teenage angst. I hope it encourages others to talk about being awkward, which will hopefully help you feel less awkward. This is not a plea for help or fake complimets, it is merely some word vomit on page. I'm happy where I am and would change it for the world.*

Here is what I’ve discovered; the first year of college might be the most INSANELY awkward time of your life. Forget middle school, and that’s saying something because those were pretty harsh on me, the first year of college is bizarre.

To start, many first time college kids have never spent anytime truly being independent. They just spent the last eighteen years either having their moves dictated by their parents or narrating their moves to their parents. Then, you pack up, get dropped off, and the boundary is suddenly different. For me, I moved 1,000+ miles away and I mean I could call my parents when I got in every night but, 1) that would be weird and 2) they can’t really do much about my actions. (I promise, I haven’t become some crazy rebel, and I still respect my parents more than you could ever know.) For kids and parents alike, it’s this awkward, “WHAT DO WE DO???!!!!” moment that takes quite a bit of trial and error.

Second, I don’t know about you, but I lived in the same area with the same people for most of my life. I met a solid group of kids in fourth grade, and while there was some fluctuating numbers, I really didn’t have to truly make friends. I went from obligated to friendships, to “am I even socially acceptable anymore?” Awkward, to say the least.

From there, you’re thrown in a building with hundreds of other people who weren’t raised like you. Conflict resolution, bathroom time, the sleeping situation, the study habits, EVERYTHING requires some weird form of co-existing. College is like the ultimate blended family without parents. I’m still trying to figure it out.

Some days, I really feel like I’m getting the hang of my new life. I feel confident, strong, sure of myself. Then days, like this week, I just feel awkward, like I’m just stumbling through college. I’ve felt so out of my comfort zone this week. I went to go pick up a soccer ball and I just couldn’t grab it, my hands couldn’t compute what my brain was telling it to do and I ultimately looked like a fool.

I had those days in high school too. And maybe the rest of my life will be like that. One day, I’m the swan, the next day I’m the ugly duckling. Maybe that’s OK though? And maybe I’m just crazy?

So, what about you? Every feel like you span the spectrum? Any advice on not being awkward in college?

^College is kind of like this^

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

So, it’s been about one year since I started a blog. It’s funny because I’m sitting in the same spot looking out the same window that I did when I wrote my first blog. I can’t help but think about how much life has changed in the year. I’ve said some tough good-byes and even harder “see-ya laters”. But I’ve also met beautiful people and moved to a new city that has helped grow in ways I never imagined.

With all of that being said, I’ve decided to make some New Year’s Resolutions.

(All of you who are anti-resolution feel free to stop reading and keep cynical comments to yourself.)

Here are my four resolutions:

1.       Get healthy (I know cliché)

2.       Go on more adventures

3.       Write more letters

4.       Remember that I am a branch

I know, getting healthy is a resolution that everyone makes, but a) I get to go to Hawaii (WOOT WOOT) and b) I’m going into a career field where I will be, hopefully, a role model. I want to set the example that taking care of yourself is not selfish, but important. It’s something that is going to be extremely difficult for myself, but I’m going about it in a different way, so hopefully that will get better results.

Adventures, something I’ve always fantasized about but never actually done. I mean I’ve had adventures here and there, but it’s time for me to do it more. To start, adventures scare me more than clowns (another blog for another day, maybe). Adventuring means trusting things you’ve never trusted, and meeting people you‘ve never dreamt of meeting, and seeing things that might rock your world, but it’s all OK. I just got back from an adventure with two of my best friends where we sat in a lecture hall for three hundred and tweeted on a giant projection screen. The whole time, I was a nervous wreck, but it was so fun and I would do it again (look, I’m already making good on my resolutions). Now that I’m in a new city, and I know I can handle the academic part of college, I vow to explore more and have more fun!

I love getting letters, but I can’t expect to get letters without sending them, so I vow to write one letter a week. If you want a letter from the fabulous state of CA, or while I’m in WA, send me your address! That’s really all of the elaboration that’s needed.

Now being a branch, you probably think I’m a crazy tree-hugger, but bear with me here and I’ll explain.  The very first Bible verse I was encouraged to memorize was John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually memorize it, but it has recently come back on my heart. You only know what kind of a branch the branch is by what it is connected to. Where I’m connecting myself determines who I am. I must remember to always connect myself to God.

And with that, I conclude my explanations of my resolutions. Let me know what yours are!