I didn't expect to cry so much

Thursday September 6^th was when the college experience really started for me. Sure, I had been on campus for almost three weeks, but this was when it got hard. Like the get-on-a-plane-and-never-look-back hard. But I should pause for a second with how it all started.

Thursday mornings on campus are chapel mornings and this morning happened to be the ASB Chapel, and they ended it by having us write on notecards what God was really laying on our hearts for this year. I distinctly remember hearing him say, “Trust me.” I figured I could totally do that. I mean, I trusted him in my college decision which landed me in California, approximately 1135.29 miles from my family and friends. But who’s counting? I just got a little teary eyed, nothing major, and walked out.

I called my mom because I had some time before my class started to find out that my grandma was sick, but no big deal. My mom was on her way to take her to the doctor. People get sick, and that’s OK, I wasn’t in a panic. But, I was finally getting homesick. I realized this wasn’t camp or CIY, I wasn’t going home. The first moment it hit me was the first night my dorm had ants, like hundreds of them. I got up in the middle of the night to check and see what was going on and thought, “It’s no big deal, I’ll be going home soon,” basically the thought that crosses my mind every time something goes wrong at camp. Needless to say, I woke up from that reality rather quickly.

Back to my grandma, things went from the doctor's office, to the emergency room, to hospital admittance, to the possibility of cancer, to finding out there’s no cancer(Thank you Lord). I went through all of this in three weeks. It hit before I had even been here one month and I didn’t even know what to do. This isn’t how most kids imagine tackling their first two months away from home, but it happened. I remember telling my friends, “I can’t wait to get through a full 24 hours without crying.” I’m sure people expected me to be a wreck, but I was so ready for a new adventure that I didn’t expect to cry so much!

Rather than going with plan A, get-on-a-plane-and-never-look-back, I went with a better plan, truly trusting God. I probably said once an hour, at least, “OK God, this is me trusting you, but I don’t like it one bit.” Eventually, I grew to willingly trust God, and not grumble, but it wasn’t easy. God didn’t abandon me at all. I received multiple text messages, Facebook messages, and phone calls during that time from people who did and didn’t know what was going on being constant sources of encouragement. I began to develop my Hope community because I knew, and my mom knew, and God knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it all on my own.

I’m continually reminded that I don’t have to handle things alone, that it isn’t supposed to be easy, and that God is good even when life is a little rough.

And I’m pretty sure crying is OK.

One Month In

On this day one month ago, I moved into my dorm room, said good bye to my family (so hard), and began a new chapter in my life. This post is written to introduce all of you to new characters in my life and show you my new setting.

 

Katie Lee (Roommate)

Major: Musical Theater

Goes to CSU Fullerton, but sleeps here at HIU

Thank you for serenading me with your beautiful music and always making me laugh. You’ve reminded me that I don’t need to take myself too seriously and that it’s OK to have fun. I can’t wait to come and see you perform on Broadway and say, “I knew her when…”

 

Alyssa Heftman (Roommate)

Major: Liberal Studies

Wants to be a an elementary school teacher and takes classes at HIU

Thank you for catching my funny moments and laughing and for buying me an Oreo McFlurry and for listening, and for praying with me, and for being you. You are going to be the greatest elementary school teacher the world has ever seen.

 

 

 

Nicole Bernadini (Roommate)

Major: Graphic design

Goes to CSU Fullerton, but sleeps here

Thank you for making such beautiful artwork that I get to see, and for listening to me. I love your laugh and how crazy faces make your day. You are going to make such beautiful pieces that will be displayed in galleries around the world.

 

Jordan Lewis

Major: currently undeclared, but wants to become a nutritionist

Takes classes here at HIU and lives across the hall from me

Thank you for being from Oregon and understanding how it feels to be homesick. I’ve been so blessed by spending time with you. You are intelligent and beautiful and will do wonderful things. No matter where we end up, I’ll be there for you.

Faith Wilson

Major: Biblical Studies

Takes classes at HIU and had my dorm room last year

From our first 145!!!! I knew we would be friends. Thanks for letting me cry, being excited about ministry and sharing a love for the same junk foods I do.

 

 

Brit Thackam (Full name is too cool for the internet)

Major: English

Takes classes at HIU and is one of many wonderful RAs

Thank you for listening to me and making me feel valuable here on campus for this first month. You’re encouragement has probably meant more to me than you’ll know. Oh, and thanks for introducing me to Pie-ology!

 

 

 

My bed and stuffed animals I just HAD to bring from home!

 



My desk, I promise I spend hours here!

 

The family collage that Debra Weins made for me. It distracts me more than anything when I'm studying at my desk. OOOPPS!

 

A close up of the collage. Don't stare too hard, some of those photos are a little embarassing...

 

 

View of little desk area and patio. It's kind of a lie though because we NEVER open our blinds, it is far too hot right now for that!

 

My oh so glorious fan! It runs 24/7. Best $22 ever spent!

 

The view as soon as you walk in. Our room is set up a little different, there are actually walls that break one omni-room into two. I share my side with Katie. We also have a tiny bathroom, but it's in the room which is a plus!

 

Just the start of m decorations on my wall. I'm starting to build memories here! The Kite and rainbow were made by Lilly Michael. The Michael family has been so kind and opened up their home to me. They are such a blessing!

 

I've covered my carts with pictures, notes, and memories from home. I love it!

 

My textbooks. What I've absolutely loved about the last month here has been taking a faith, that is so fervent in my heart, and gaining the knowledge to back it up.

 

 

My life in room 145 looks promising!



Um, I'm in college

Slowly but surely the fact that I’m in college is sneaking up on me. The last 36 hours though, it has been very apparent. It all started Saturday night at midnight. I was across the hall in my friend Jordan’s room watching a movie when we heard a knock on the door. There were two of my roommates, Katie and Alyssa, begging me to come back to the room. I thought they were just up to something, nothing major, but I was wrong. There in two neat and strong lines were hundreds of ants walking from our bathroom to our fridge. We called the RA on duty, grabbed a vacuum cleaner to suck them up and freaked out. After we doused the bathroom in Raid, I called home because our fridge was leaking. I knew that there was nothing my dad could really do, but I called him anyways. After things calmed down, I went back into the bathroom at 1:30 AM to check on our unwelcomed guests and realized I was here for good. Mom and Dad weren’t coming to pick me up at the end of the week; I was truly out in the world. It was bizarre.

My sister Kara has taken over my room at home. It is no longer yellow, orange, and pink. It is now a lovely hue of purple and totally her. As happy as I am for her, it is still weird to know that the room I spent all of middle school and high school in isn’t glowing like the sun anymore!

Then tonight, I just went to dinner with friends. I didn’t have to check in. There was no curfew. Nothing.  I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. I’m dealing with tough classes, friendship issues, crushes, shopping, cleaning, all on my own. I could just walk around Fullerton all by myself if I wanted to, and no one could stop me.

But here is the thing; I would NEVER do that because I’ve spent the last 18 years preparing for this season of life. God has truly been shaping me to handle this time of life and I’m so blessed to have had people in my life leading up to this point that care. A mom and dad who realistically and safely presented the world to me, teachers who told me to do my homework, mentors who reminded me that I find my identity in Christ, and so many other people. If you are reading this and knew me before my time here at Hope, I truly and sincerely thank you for having a hand in making me. God used you to prepare me for college.

 

P.S. My next post will be more of a picture blog, of the people and places of MY Fullerton, CA.

Night One

I can't tell you how many times I started a college post that just didn't feel right. Well, it took me three days, and then inspiration hit me while I was sweating in my new dorm. (TMI? Maybe, but we all sweat, so it's whatever!)

~~~

I remember my very first night at CIY Move ever. I was anxious. I was on a college campus for the first time, rooming with a girl I hardly knew, and had tearfully said good-bye to my family. This was the longest stretch of time I had ever spent away from them and it was bizarre. Also, it was HAWT. Like the kind of hot that is sticky and anything that isn’t an ice cube repulses you.

That’s kind of like tonight. I’m EXTREMELY anxious and while it isn’t my first night on a college campus, I hardly know the girl that will be sleeping in the bed next to mine. And to say that it was hard to say “see-ya soon-ish” to family would be putting it mildly. It is also HAWT! Do I dare to say that I miss Washington’s weather? I’m close, but not quite.

It’s also crazy to remember all of the great things that came from CIY: a soul sista, lifelong friends, a clear direction for my future and life change that can’t possibly be fathomed. I only spent a cumulative of three weeks at CIY, and college will be my life for at least the next three years. I think it is safe to say that I’ll get some great things out of college too. But I have no idea what it will all entail, but loads of change is to be certain.

Change won’t come easily. So far, it means being over 1,000 miles away from everything “safe” and closing what I consider a pretty successful 18 years. But it also means so many new things that God has in store for me.  It is safe to say that I’ve felt almost every feeling imaginable today and now I’m just exhausted, but I couldn’t leave y’all hanging about what it’s like in Cali!



Uncharted Territory

I’m going a place that very few girls very rarely ever reach. Heed this warning for all.

I’M CONTENT WITH BEING SINGLE

Ok, I proclaimed it, like ripping a Band-Aid. And now the story behind it.

Reaching this happiness did not come easy. I’ve wanted a boyfriend for as long as I can remember. Not just any old guy, but the right guy. I’ve kept this a secret for so long because I’ve never wanted to be “that girl”. The girl that so desperately needed a man and that was all she sought. I now know that I’m not that girl. That wanting someone to spend my life with is normal, not crazy!

When I was 10, I envisioned just what high school would be like for me. I would be captain of the cheerleading team, class president, drive an awesome car, be on my way to being a pop-star and last but DEFINITELY not least, I was going to be dating a football player.

Can I just say that not a single one of those are true (except the car part, I LOVE my Sunshine Mobile). It is funny to see what I wanted before I knew Jesus and after. I mean all those things could have been the greatest things in the world, but that isn’t what God destined for me to have. Instead, I was a band geek, class senator, I’m getting ready to devote my life to ministry, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. 18 years of embracing and grumbling about my single status. But, I love life right now. My desire for “Mr. Right” ebbs and flows. The most recent time I wanted one was for prom, but I wanted him for one night. God has plans that are so different from what we would plan for ourselves.

He wanted me to pick a college with no strings attached. I’m so excited to go to southern California just as me, to be able to spend the next chunk of time just with God and feeling a strong direction for my future. I couldn’t imagine trying to adjust to college AND juggling a long distance relationship. God knows exactly what I need, and don’t need, and He is gracious enough to follow that. Not only that, but I would have had an even tougher time picking Hope International University if there was a boy involved too.

Of course, I didn’t just wake up all “Hey! Being single is the greatest thing since Oreos!” It took a lot for me to get here. And I’m sure you all are just begging for me to reveal my vast knowledge of being single, so I will.

 I had to first make God my number one priority, knowing that His voice was the only one I should be listening too when it came to dating. It wasn’t easy. Every chick-flick, TV show, and song I listened to was telling me to date, but I had to silence those.

After I stopped listening to those distractions, I focused on the things God has given me: school, family, friends, and preparing for my future. I was no longer wasting my energy on something I didn’t have and made my priorities better. For example, I spent my Valentine’s Day 2012 cramming for an AP Gov test because I got to spend a night two days before seeing Scotty McCreery and The Band Perry in concert with my sister Kara. (Scotty McCreery= enough of a Valentine’s Day gift for me!) I was so grateful for what I had that I was no longer thought about what I didn’t have. My life wasn’t about me and what I wanted, it was about what God wanted for me.

So yeah, ultimately, I LOVE being single. I don’t want to be single forever and I don’t think that’s what God has planned for me. I do know His plan for me in this very second involves me being single, and His plan is better than anything I, or Nicholas Sparks, could ever dream. (Oh, and if you’re reading this and want to talk about it, let me know! We could get some fro-yo/coffee/pancakes and swap some stories!)

Intangible

I' m so excited for this blog post. I had my dear sister Stephanie write a blog about her week in Mexico on a mission trip. I admire her heart so much.

~~~~~

My name is Stephanie Anderson and I feel honored to have been asked by Erika to write a page on her blog about my mission trip to Mexico. Where do I begin? I was a weeklong trip to San Vicente, Mexico with members of my church, Rainier View Christian Church. This trip consisted mainly of doing construction projects and interacting with the people who live there. Both tasks were very rewarding.

In regards to construction, we put in a chain like fence, planted trees, painted, and put up a roof. It was hard work in the hot sun, but I enjoyed it because we could see immediate improvements. There was something tangible that I could point to and say, “I helped build that.” But sometimes the things that are intangible can be just as rewarding.

I have taken three years of Spanish class in school so I could decently communicate with the people we were serving. This was one of my favorite parts of the whole trip because I got to see something I learned in school actually pay off and be useful. I was even able to do a little bit of translating which was fun. As a team we spent a lot of time playing with kids. It was a little intimidating at first considering the fact that I don’t like kids that much, but it turned out to be wonderful. The kids were so fun, very rambunctious, and loved playing with us. In weeks leading up to the trip our church collected donations to bring to Mexico and I loved handing out the bags of donations to the kids and moms. After handing them out, I looked around and saw all the kids looking through their bag like it was a stocking at Christmas. And all that was in the bag was shampoo, a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, a piece of candy, and maybe some hair ties. It really makes you grateful for what you have. It felt great to be able to help them out, even if it was in just a small way.

One day, a small group of us took a mom and her two kids, who are in a very unfortunate situation, out to eat and to buy her some new clothes and get her hair cut. The next day we saw the same mom and she was wearing the outfit we bought her and she just looked so happy. For many of us, a day like that is no big deal. We don’t think about what it takes for someone living in poverty to do that.

I got to hear a lot of testimonies while I was there, from people in our group, as well as people that live in Mexico. Hearing these testimonies did two things for me: it reinforced the fact that I am truly blessed and haven’t suffered in the way that others have, and it also changed the way that I view other people. I’ve learned that just because people make bad choices doesn’t mean they’re nobodies. People can change their ways, they just need help. A struggle for me is going to be keeping that in mind when I see people who have gone down the wrong path. I don’t want to keep looking at them and judging them for what they’ve done. I want to look at them as a child of God with the potential to improve.

This mission trip has been a life-changing experience for me. Being able to make a difference in the lives of others has made a difference in my life. I am so grateful for everything that I have: working toilets, air conditioning, a loving family, and most importantly, a God that cares for each and every one of his children, no matter how many mistakes they make. I cannot thank God enough for providing a way for me to go on this trip and giving me this experience.

I left my heart in Mineral, Washington

Raise your hand if know where Mineral, Washington is? I couldn’t give you directions to save my life, but I fell in love there.  I fell in love at a place where countless boys and girls across the world find love, camp (Pleasant Valley Christian Camp to be exact. Ran by my youth pastors). But I didn’t fall in love with “Mr. Right” like most people think they do when they go to camp, I fell in love with God and His plan for my life all over again.

I left last Sunday to be a camp counselor for a week. I was a sister/friend/mentor/etc. for nine girls all week and let me tell you, I’m exhausted. Like the exhausted where every emotion makes you cry; and my tear ducts have even dried up over the last year. My girls spanned the spectrum of middle school students and it was a hard group to juggle. But I looked at it like this, God has put a desire and a fire in my heart to serve middle school and high school students and this week was a glimpse into what my future holds.

The first struggle was figuring out how to relate to each girl in a group setting. Each of them was so beautifully unique, and had their own set of issues they were working through that I needed to hear and help. We laughed and cried and I hope that we came out on the other end for the better.

The challenge at hand seemed daunting and overwhelming, but I wasn’t alone. I am so blessed to live for a God that gives us what we need. The other counselors there were so encouraging and willing to help. I was one of the only counselors without a co-counselor and had the biggest cabin. It was so cool to know that I didn’t have a partner in crime because my youth pastors trusted me and we had more campers than anticipated, but still overwhelming at times. Then, I injured myself and needed a better pair of shoes which led to the rest of my family coming up. I needed my parents so bad at that moment. My girls were being less than cooperative and my foot hurt and it was Wednesday and I think you get the drift. My heroic sister Stephanie offered to stay with me the rest of the week as my co-counselor. God knew that I needed extra support and sent my sister.

Stephanie toughed it out for the night and my mom came up the next day to bring us extra supplies and was able to take one of our interns into town because he hurt his foot. If my wonderful mommy hadn’t been there we would have lost two staff, not just one. God was so evident at camp in everything. I watched my girls drop their walls and face issues that had been plaguing them for years. I watched people become friends who didn’t even know each other when their week at camp started; I became friends with people I hardly knew when the week started. I spent the week relying solely on God. I met young men who restored my faith in boys everywhere. Most importantly I was reaffirmed in what I felt God has been calling me to do. I left camp physically drained, but emotionally full. I will be spending the rest of my life impacting teenagers for Christ. I’m so excited and I can’t even begin to put into words for you all. God has put a fire in my belly to change the world and that fire is fueling me every day!

Things I want to do:

~ Become a youth pastor

~ Run a place for the students in my local community to feel safe

~ Open a camp for girls where they can learn that they are beautiful because that is the way God made them, not because of some dumb worldly standard

~ RELY ON GOD EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE

Some of the most beautiful people I've ever met worshipping with their whole hearts