Let's Chat

I would like to sit down with you and talk.

Most likely talk some sense into you.

You’d probably talk some sense into me.

We’d laugh, cry, and leave feeling better.

If I had my way, I would take a megaphone and yell to the entire world this message, but megaphones are relatively expensive, so are plane tickets, and I’ve come down with a cold so my voice would do no good anyways.

Here is what I would tell everyone:

You are so wanted and so loved. There is a God out there who has done more than we could ever fathom who is chasing after you, screaming at you. But you are too busy listening to your iPod, your mom, your friend, your boyfriend, and the myriad of other things that are calling at. You are running so fast to get away from a hurt or a lie or something to stop. To stop running and silence the world and here a soft whisper say, “I am here.”

After I said that, you would have to say the same thing to me, because this semester, I’ve been listening to all the wrong things and trying to push out the right things. I can’t tell you why really. Actually, that’s a lie, I know exactly why. I’ve been so frightened to face the things that frighten me.

When I first moved to California, I was so actively pursuing God. He was everything I could ever want or need and I was trusting. After the hub-bub of moving, my world became quiet and I began to hear God even more. He began challenging me to face the stuff I was running from and to be quite honest; I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t have my solid support system in place and even if they were all there I didn’t know if I could face them.

So instead of becoming addicted to God, I became addicted to social media. How is my family doing? How many likes can this post get? What a cute couple! And the list went on.

Except God didn’t give up on me as easy as I gave up on him. Little messages began to pull on my heart until November 29^th when I was asked, “Where are you finding your identity?” And I knew that I was finding it in all of the wrong places.

Where are you finding your identity?

Here is what I want you to do.

Grab a piece of paper and write five things you’re thankful and then write five things you want to accomplish. Not like a bucket list, I mean I suppose it could be, but look at the things you want to accomplish and remind yourself that you can’t do it, but you can do it with God. And then, when you doubt God, look at the things you’re thankful for and remember that he was a part of those things, and he will be a part of your future as well.

So, let’s get scared together. Let’s face our greatest fears together and then pause and say, “Thank you, God” together when we’ve succeeded.

Thank God for Hometowns

Carrie Underwood sings a beautiful song called “Thank God for Hometowns”. I heard it this summer and wondered if I would ever be able to truly relate. The hometown she describes is small, where everyone knows everyone, and Tacoma is quite far from that.

This past week silenced my doubts. True, I know hardly anyone in the great city of Tacoma, but I know enough.

I was blessed with an unexpected gift of being able to go home for Thanksgiving break, which is one week for m school, and it was so the perfect gift.

One of my favorite days being home was Sunday, where I hugged more people in one day than I had the entire time I was in California and it was refreshing; to be reminded that there are dozens of people still supporting me, praying for me, loving on my family. To everyone that hugged me that day, I don’t think you realize how much I needed that.

I also had countless conversations with people about my time at school. Each conversation reminded me that I am doing the right thing. College is probably the scariest adventure I’ve ever been on, but I love it. I don’t think I would change the things that brought me to this moment. Sure some of it has been hard, unpleasant, uncomfortable, etc. but it has been so worth it. I’ve grown more in these last few months than I have ever in my life.

This doesn’t mean I don’t miss my hometown, it just means I appreciate my two different lives even more than before. But I’m also ready to be back home for Christmas too.

                                                                                                                                                                              

So to all of you who make up my life in Washington:

I love you. It almost makes me cry to think about the amazing community I’ll always have. Carrie Underwood’s song says, “Cause when you’re lost out in this crazy world/you’ve got somewhere to go/ that you get found”. Every time I feel a little lost, you all remind me that God has me here for a purpose. I’m also grateful for the open arms I find when I get to be with you.

 

To all of you who make up my life in California:

You are helping me have two hometowns. You are showing me love and I couldn’t be here without you. For however long God has me here in Cali, I’m blessed that I can journey with all of you.

 

 







I didn't expect to cry so much

Thursday September 6^th was when the college experience really started for me. Sure, I had been on campus for almost three weeks, but this was when it got hard. Like the get-on-a-plane-and-never-look-back hard. But I should pause for a second with how it all started.

Thursday mornings on campus are chapel mornings and this morning happened to be the ASB Chapel, and they ended it by having us write on notecards what God was really laying on our hearts for this year. I distinctly remember hearing him say, “Trust me.” I figured I could totally do that. I mean, I trusted him in my college decision which landed me in California, approximately 1135.29 miles from my family and friends. But who’s counting? I just got a little teary eyed, nothing major, and walked out.

I called my mom because I had some time before my class started to find out that my grandma was sick, but no big deal. My mom was on her way to take her to the doctor. People get sick, and that’s OK, I wasn’t in a panic. But, I was finally getting homesick. I realized this wasn’t camp or CIY, I wasn’t going home. The first moment it hit me was the first night my dorm had ants, like hundreds of them. I got up in the middle of the night to check and see what was going on and thought, “It’s no big deal, I’ll be going home soon,” basically the thought that crosses my mind every time something goes wrong at camp. Needless to say, I woke up from that reality rather quickly.

Back to my grandma, things went from the doctor's office, to the emergency room, to hospital admittance, to the possibility of cancer, to finding out there’s no cancer(Thank you Lord). I went through all of this in three weeks. It hit before I had even been here one month and I didn’t even know what to do. This isn’t how most kids imagine tackling their first two months away from home, but it happened. I remember telling my friends, “I can’t wait to get through a full 24 hours without crying.” I’m sure people expected me to be a wreck, but I was so ready for a new adventure that I didn’t expect to cry so much!

Rather than going with plan A, get-on-a-plane-and-never-look-back, I went with a better plan, truly trusting God. I probably said once an hour, at least, “OK God, this is me trusting you, but I don’t like it one bit.” Eventually, I grew to willingly trust God, and not grumble, but it wasn’t easy. God didn’t abandon me at all. I received multiple text messages, Facebook messages, and phone calls during that time from people who did and didn’t know what was going on being constant sources of encouragement. I began to develop my Hope community because I knew, and my mom knew, and God knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it all on my own.

I’m continually reminded that I don’t have to handle things alone, that it isn’t supposed to be easy, and that God is good even when life is a little rough.

And I’m pretty sure crying is OK.

One Month In

On this day one month ago, I moved into my dorm room, said good bye to my family (so hard), and began a new chapter in my life. This post is written to introduce all of you to new characters in my life and show you my new setting.

 

Katie Lee (Roommate)

Major: Musical Theater

Goes to CSU Fullerton, but sleeps here at HIU

Thank you for serenading me with your beautiful music and always making me laugh. You’ve reminded me that I don’t need to take myself too seriously and that it’s OK to have fun. I can’t wait to come and see you perform on Broadway and say, “I knew her when…”

 

Alyssa Heftman (Roommate)

Major: Liberal Studies

Wants to be a an elementary school teacher and takes classes at HIU

Thank you for catching my funny moments and laughing and for buying me an Oreo McFlurry and for listening, and for praying with me, and for being you. You are going to be the greatest elementary school teacher the world has ever seen.

 

 

 

Nicole Bernadini (Roommate)

Major: Graphic design

Goes to CSU Fullerton, but sleeps here

Thank you for making such beautiful artwork that I get to see, and for listening to me. I love your laugh and how crazy faces make your day. You are going to make such beautiful pieces that will be displayed in galleries around the world.

 

Jordan Lewis

Major: currently undeclared, but wants to become a nutritionist

Takes classes here at HIU and lives across the hall from me

Thank you for being from Oregon and understanding how it feels to be homesick. I’ve been so blessed by spending time with you. You are intelligent and beautiful and will do wonderful things. No matter where we end up, I’ll be there for you.

Faith Wilson

Major: Biblical Studies

Takes classes at HIU and had my dorm room last year

From our first 145!!!! I knew we would be friends. Thanks for letting me cry, being excited about ministry and sharing a love for the same junk foods I do.

 

 

Brit Thackam (Full name is too cool for the internet)

Major: English

Takes classes at HIU and is one of many wonderful RAs

Thank you for listening to me and making me feel valuable here on campus for this first month. You’re encouragement has probably meant more to me than you’ll know. Oh, and thanks for introducing me to Pie-ology!

 

 

 

My bed and stuffed animals I just HAD to bring from home!

 



My desk, I promise I spend hours here!

 

The family collage that Debra Weins made for me. It distracts me more than anything when I'm studying at my desk. OOOPPS!

 

A close up of the collage. Don't stare too hard, some of those photos are a little embarassing...

 

 

View of little desk area and patio. It's kind of a lie though because we NEVER open our blinds, it is far too hot right now for that!

 

My oh so glorious fan! It runs 24/7. Best $22 ever spent!

 

The view as soon as you walk in. Our room is set up a little different, there are actually walls that break one omni-room into two. I share my side with Katie. We also have a tiny bathroom, but it's in the room which is a plus!

 

Just the start of m decorations on my wall. I'm starting to build memories here! The Kite and rainbow were made by Lilly Michael. The Michael family has been so kind and opened up their home to me. They are such a blessing!

 

I've covered my carts with pictures, notes, and memories from home. I love it!

 

My textbooks. What I've absolutely loved about the last month here has been taking a faith, that is so fervent in my heart, and gaining the knowledge to back it up.

 

 

My life in room 145 looks promising!



Um, I'm in college

Slowly but surely the fact that I’m in college is sneaking up on me. The last 36 hours though, it has been very apparent. It all started Saturday night at midnight. I was across the hall in my friend Jordan’s room watching a movie when we heard a knock on the door. There were two of my roommates, Katie and Alyssa, begging me to come back to the room. I thought they were just up to something, nothing major, but I was wrong. There in two neat and strong lines were hundreds of ants walking from our bathroom to our fridge. We called the RA on duty, grabbed a vacuum cleaner to suck them up and freaked out. After we doused the bathroom in Raid, I called home because our fridge was leaking. I knew that there was nothing my dad could really do, but I called him anyways. After things calmed down, I went back into the bathroom at 1:30 AM to check on our unwelcomed guests and realized I was here for good. Mom and Dad weren’t coming to pick me up at the end of the week; I was truly out in the world. It was bizarre.

My sister Kara has taken over my room at home. It is no longer yellow, orange, and pink. It is now a lovely hue of purple and totally her. As happy as I am for her, it is still weird to know that the room I spent all of middle school and high school in isn’t glowing like the sun anymore!

Then tonight, I just went to dinner with friends. I didn’t have to check in. There was no curfew. Nothing.  I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. I’m dealing with tough classes, friendship issues, crushes, shopping, cleaning, all on my own. I could just walk around Fullerton all by myself if I wanted to, and no one could stop me.

But here is the thing; I would NEVER do that because I’ve spent the last 18 years preparing for this season of life. God has truly been shaping me to handle this time of life and I’m so blessed to have had people in my life leading up to this point that care. A mom and dad who realistically and safely presented the world to me, teachers who told me to do my homework, mentors who reminded me that I find my identity in Christ, and so many other people. If you are reading this and knew me before my time here at Hope, I truly and sincerely thank you for having a hand in making me. God used you to prepare me for college.

 

P.S. My next post will be more of a picture blog, of the people and places of MY Fullerton, CA.

Night One

I can't tell you how many times I started a college post that just didn't feel right. Well, it took me three days, and then inspiration hit me while I was sweating in my new dorm. (TMI? Maybe, but we all sweat, so it's whatever!)

~~~

I remember my very first night at CIY Move ever. I was anxious. I was on a college campus for the first time, rooming with a girl I hardly knew, and had tearfully said good-bye to my family. This was the longest stretch of time I had ever spent away from them and it was bizarre. Also, it was HAWT. Like the kind of hot that is sticky and anything that isn’t an ice cube repulses you.

That’s kind of like tonight. I’m EXTREMELY anxious and while it isn’t my first night on a college campus, I hardly know the girl that will be sleeping in the bed next to mine. And to say that it was hard to say “see-ya soon-ish” to family would be putting it mildly. It is also HAWT! Do I dare to say that I miss Washington’s weather? I’m close, but not quite.

It’s also crazy to remember all of the great things that came from CIY: a soul sista, lifelong friends, a clear direction for my future and life change that can’t possibly be fathomed. I only spent a cumulative of three weeks at CIY, and college will be my life for at least the next three years. I think it is safe to say that I’ll get some great things out of college too. But I have no idea what it will all entail, but loads of change is to be certain.

Change won’t come easily. So far, it means being over 1,000 miles away from everything “safe” and closing what I consider a pretty successful 18 years. But it also means so many new things that God has in store for me.  It is safe to say that I’ve felt almost every feeling imaginable today and now I’m just exhausted, but I couldn’t leave y’all hanging about what it’s like in Cali!



Uncharted Territory

I’m going a place that very few girls very rarely ever reach. Heed this warning for all.

I’M CONTENT WITH BEING SINGLE

Ok, I proclaimed it, like ripping a Band-Aid. And now the story behind it.

Reaching this happiness did not come easy. I’ve wanted a boyfriend for as long as I can remember. Not just any old guy, but the right guy. I’ve kept this a secret for so long because I’ve never wanted to be “that girl”. The girl that so desperately needed a man and that was all she sought. I now know that I’m not that girl. That wanting someone to spend my life with is normal, not crazy!

When I was 10, I envisioned just what high school would be like for me. I would be captain of the cheerleading team, class president, drive an awesome car, be on my way to being a pop-star and last but DEFINITELY not least, I was going to be dating a football player.

Can I just say that not a single one of those are true (except the car part, I LOVE my Sunshine Mobile). It is funny to see what I wanted before I knew Jesus and after. I mean all those things could have been the greatest things in the world, but that isn’t what God destined for me to have. Instead, I was a band geek, class senator, I’m getting ready to devote my life to ministry, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. 18 years of embracing and grumbling about my single status. But, I love life right now. My desire for “Mr. Right” ebbs and flows. The most recent time I wanted one was for prom, but I wanted him for one night. God has plans that are so different from what we would plan for ourselves.

He wanted me to pick a college with no strings attached. I’m so excited to go to southern California just as me, to be able to spend the next chunk of time just with God and feeling a strong direction for my future. I couldn’t imagine trying to adjust to college AND juggling a long distance relationship. God knows exactly what I need, and don’t need, and He is gracious enough to follow that. Not only that, but I would have had an even tougher time picking Hope International University if there was a boy involved too.

Of course, I didn’t just wake up all “Hey! Being single is the greatest thing since Oreos!” It took a lot for me to get here. And I’m sure you all are just begging for me to reveal my vast knowledge of being single, so I will.

 I had to first make God my number one priority, knowing that His voice was the only one I should be listening too when it came to dating. It wasn’t easy. Every chick-flick, TV show, and song I listened to was telling me to date, but I had to silence those.

After I stopped listening to those distractions, I focused on the things God has given me: school, family, friends, and preparing for my future. I was no longer wasting my energy on something I didn’t have and made my priorities better. For example, I spent my Valentine’s Day 2012 cramming for an AP Gov test because I got to spend a night two days before seeing Scotty McCreery and The Band Perry in concert with my sister Kara. (Scotty McCreery= enough of a Valentine’s Day gift for me!) I was so grateful for what I had that I was no longer thought about what I didn’t have. My life wasn’t about me and what I wanted, it was about what God wanted for me.

So yeah, ultimately, I LOVE being single. I don’t want to be single forever and I don’t think that’s what God has planned for me. I do know His plan for me in this very second involves me being single, and His plan is better than anything I, or Nicholas Sparks, could ever dream. (Oh, and if you’re reading this and want to talk about it, let me know! We could get some fro-yo/coffee/pancakes and swap some stories!)

Intangible

I' m so excited for this blog post. I had my dear sister Stephanie write a blog about her week in Mexico on a mission trip. I admire her heart so much.

~~~~~

My name is Stephanie Anderson and I feel honored to have been asked by Erika to write a page on her blog about my mission trip to Mexico. Where do I begin? I was a weeklong trip to San Vicente, Mexico with members of my church, Rainier View Christian Church. This trip consisted mainly of doing construction projects and interacting with the people who live there. Both tasks were very rewarding.

In regards to construction, we put in a chain like fence, planted trees, painted, and put up a roof. It was hard work in the hot sun, but I enjoyed it because we could see immediate improvements. There was something tangible that I could point to and say, “I helped build that.” But sometimes the things that are intangible can be just as rewarding.

I have taken three years of Spanish class in school so I could decently communicate with the people we were serving. This was one of my favorite parts of the whole trip because I got to see something I learned in school actually pay off and be useful. I was even able to do a little bit of translating which was fun. As a team we spent a lot of time playing with kids. It was a little intimidating at first considering the fact that I don’t like kids that much, but it turned out to be wonderful. The kids were so fun, very rambunctious, and loved playing with us. In weeks leading up to the trip our church collected donations to bring to Mexico and I loved handing out the bags of donations to the kids and moms. After handing them out, I looked around and saw all the kids looking through their bag like it was a stocking at Christmas. And all that was in the bag was shampoo, a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, a piece of candy, and maybe some hair ties. It really makes you grateful for what you have. It felt great to be able to help them out, even if it was in just a small way.

One day, a small group of us took a mom and her two kids, who are in a very unfortunate situation, out to eat and to buy her some new clothes and get her hair cut. The next day we saw the same mom and she was wearing the outfit we bought her and she just looked so happy. For many of us, a day like that is no big deal. We don’t think about what it takes for someone living in poverty to do that.

I got to hear a lot of testimonies while I was there, from people in our group, as well as people that live in Mexico. Hearing these testimonies did two things for me: it reinforced the fact that I am truly blessed and haven’t suffered in the way that others have, and it also changed the way that I view other people. I’ve learned that just because people make bad choices doesn’t mean they’re nobodies. People can change their ways, they just need help. A struggle for me is going to be keeping that in mind when I see people who have gone down the wrong path. I don’t want to keep looking at them and judging them for what they’ve done. I want to look at them as a child of God with the potential to improve.

This mission trip has been a life-changing experience for me. Being able to make a difference in the lives of others has made a difference in my life. I am so grateful for everything that I have: working toilets, air conditioning, a loving family, and most importantly, a God that cares for each and every one of his children, no matter how many mistakes they make. I cannot thank God enough for providing a way for me to go on this trip and giving me this experience.

I left my heart in Mineral, Washington

Raise your hand if know where Mineral, Washington is? I couldn’t give you directions to save my life, but I fell in love there.  I fell in love at a place where countless boys and girls across the world find love, camp (Pleasant Valley Christian Camp to be exact. Ran by my youth pastors). But I didn’t fall in love with “Mr. Right” like most people think they do when they go to camp, I fell in love with God and His plan for my life all over again.

I left last Sunday to be a camp counselor for a week. I was a sister/friend/mentor/etc. for nine girls all week and let me tell you, I’m exhausted. Like the exhausted where every emotion makes you cry; and my tear ducts have even dried up over the last year. My girls spanned the spectrum of middle school students and it was a hard group to juggle. But I looked at it like this, God has put a desire and a fire in my heart to serve middle school and high school students and this week was a glimpse into what my future holds.

The first struggle was figuring out how to relate to each girl in a group setting. Each of them was so beautifully unique, and had their own set of issues they were working through that I needed to hear and help. We laughed and cried and I hope that we came out on the other end for the better.

The challenge at hand seemed daunting and overwhelming, but I wasn’t alone. I am so blessed to live for a God that gives us what we need. The other counselors there were so encouraging and willing to help. I was one of the only counselors without a co-counselor and had the biggest cabin. It was so cool to know that I didn’t have a partner in crime because my youth pastors trusted me and we had more campers than anticipated, but still overwhelming at times. Then, I injured myself and needed a better pair of shoes which led to the rest of my family coming up. I needed my parents so bad at that moment. My girls were being less than cooperative and my foot hurt and it was Wednesday and I think you get the drift. My heroic sister Stephanie offered to stay with me the rest of the week as my co-counselor. God knew that I needed extra support and sent my sister.

Stephanie toughed it out for the night and my mom came up the next day to bring us extra supplies and was able to take one of our interns into town because he hurt his foot. If my wonderful mommy hadn’t been there we would have lost two staff, not just one. God was so evident at camp in everything. I watched my girls drop their walls and face issues that had been plaguing them for years. I watched people become friends who didn’t even know each other when their week at camp started; I became friends with people I hardly knew when the week started. I spent the week relying solely on God. I met young men who restored my faith in boys everywhere. Most importantly I was reaffirmed in what I felt God has been calling me to do. I left camp physically drained, but emotionally full. I will be spending the rest of my life impacting teenagers for Christ. I’m so excited and I can’t even begin to put into words for you all. God has put a fire in my belly to change the world and that fire is fueling me every day!

Things I want to do:

~ Become a youth pastor

~ Run a place for the students in my local community to feel safe

~ Open a camp for girls where they can learn that they are beautiful because that is the way God made them, not because of some dumb worldly standard

~ RELY ON GOD EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE

Some of the most beautiful people I've ever met worshipping with their whole hearts

You've Got to Fight for Your Right to ... Love

What an odd title. That’s what many of you are thinking. That is, everyone except for MHL. Tonight, I had a nice long heart to heart with my soul sista. She went away to college and I stayed here this last school year. We got everything all out in the open tonight. It was hard, but wonderful. We both had to be vulnerable, a very taboo thing, and say things that might hurt. It was a “fight”. Not like we were fighting each other but we were fighting ourselves.

We realized that our friendship meant more than our pride. That being honest and “weak” made us strong. I know for me, it was an uphill battle.  One of my parting remarks was, “I’m glad we got this all out in the open. I feel like there is no longer an awkward barrier between us.” She just grinned and nodded back. It didn’t need words, just love. The relationship her and I have has been a struggle. We are both stubborn and strong in our own ways and sometimes too proud. We laid down those weapons and instead picked up tools of love.

It is like that with God too. After MHL and I finished our Skype date, I clicked over to Youversion, my online Bible reading plan and I read, “The Parable of the Wedding Banquet” (Matt. 22:1-14). Verse 14 says, “"For many are invited, but few are chosen." NIV. Every person is called to love Jesus, to surrender our selfish ways and live for something much bigger than anything we could imagine. We are all invited to His kingdom, but few actually make it there. We have to fight for the best relationship possible with Jesus. We have to fight for our friendships here on earth. Fighting for love is the best battle. Our relationship with Christ wasn’t designed to be easy, neither were the best relationships here on earth. Friends are a gift from God, and I’m grateful for them each day.

Our first  ever TOMS, painted together!



What High School and T-Sweezy Taught Me

Well, I’m about to take an extremely cliché route, and I’m terribly sorry. When I was 15, and a freshman, Taylor Swift’s song “Fifteen” came out and well, it sort of defined my life(along with “You Belong With Me, Enchanted, Tear Drops on My Guitar, Mean, etc. etc. etc.) I feel like since I’m graduating tomorrow, I’m far enough away from being 15 to be able to reflect on it (you’re probably chuckling at my audacity right now, but T-Sweezy also taught me to be fearless, so HA!)

VERSE 1

You take a deep breath as you walk through the doors
It's the morning of your very first day
you say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while
Try and stay out of everybody’s way
it’s your freshman year and you're gonna be here
for the next four years in this town
hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
you know I haven’t seen you around, before

I was petrified of being a freshman; actually I was petrified at being whatever age I was. High school is just so awkward. You never feel like you’re doing the right thing and like the biggest loser EVER to have ever walked those “hallowed halls”, so embrace it. Americans are so consumed with putting up this façade that we are never real. I think we would have WAY better self-esteems if we were just honest.

~Side note(s)

Everyone who isn’t a freshman, make sure that you remember how you felt, and treat freshman with respect, no matter how hard upper classmen were on you.

Is it bad that even when I was a senior, I wanted a senior boy to wink at me?

CHOURUS 1

'Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
you're gonna believe them
and when you’re fifteen
feeling like there's nothing to figure out
well count to ten, take it in
this is life before you know who you're gonna be
fifteen

How gullible are all of us the minute an attractive person even just says “hey”? I’m mean seriously. Guard your heart people because you only get one. That’s a lesson I’ve worked hard to feebly learn, and I still have a long ways to go. Take me advice now and enjoy it. Being 18, I still don’t know who I’m going to be, and I don’t think anyone truly does. Take it each day at a time, and you’ll slowly figure it out. Don’t rush.

VERSE 2

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail
and soon enough you're best friends
laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool
we'll be out of here as soon as we can
and then you're on your very first date and he's got a car
and you're feeling like flying
and your mama's waiting up and you're thinkin' he’s the one
and you're dancing round your room when the night end
when the night ends

OK, that is some profound advice in this first chunk, but it’s a little hidden. Don’t be scared to say hi to that new person. I said hi to Dillon Nilsen and got flowers*. Don’t think you’ll always be that blessed, sometimes you meet your enemy too, but you never know until you try. There is always something to talk to someone about, if anything stoop down to the weather and work up from there. She also encourages us to live life. I didn’t live life too much in high school because I was scared silly. I was too scared to take a leap of faith and enjoy life, I regret that. But I don’t advocate reckless living either. Just be wise and listen to those around you.

CHOURUS 2

'Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
you're gonna believe them
and when you're fifteen and your first kiss
makes your head spin 'round but
in your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team
I didn’t know it at fifteen

I can’t help but feel like this last part is so true. When I was like 10 and watched the over glamorized movies about high school, I just knew deep down in my little heart that I was going to be a cheerleader and be dating the star football player. Let’s just say that none of that came close to being true. Some more advice, don’t have expectations. In some ways, you’ll be happier than you could have planned and in other ways, it will be much worse. Just go with it!

Bridge

When all you wanted was to be wanted
wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now
Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
but I realized there are bigger dreams in life
when Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind, we both cried

Please understand that high school ISN’T the end of your life. You’ll probably end up falling for a few guys that you think are the bee’s knees when they just aren’t. Don’t make poor decisions just to feel loved, because it will leave you emptier than before. Be good to your emotions and your heart. Also, be there for each other. High school isn’t easy and you’ll need people to support you and you’ll need to support others, it’s how it goes. Love people, it’s as simple and complicated as that.

CHOURUS 3

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you you're gonna believe them.
and when you're fifteen, don’t forget to look before you fall
I've found that time can heal most anything
and you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn’t know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

Don’t forget about your family, they’ll be your safe place to fall. Mine always were. It’s easy to think you’re all cool and independent, but you’d be nothing without your family. And it’s true about time, for the most part. Sometimes, offenses cut deep and shape you forever, but time makes them less painful. I’ve made incredible friends because time passed between a petty fight and we were able to move on past whatever the issue is.

This blog sums up my thoughts on high school in a very generic manner. I’ll never forget the last for years or the countless people that are getting me across that stage tomorrow. I can’t wait to revisit this blog four years from now and see how dumb I was tonight. By no means do I think I know everything, but I thought some advice for others might be nice.

*http://youtu.be/607STZLaeFc

These flowers have been stuck in the mail since we were freshmen. Nice to see UPS coming through!

This is the song I was talking about the whole time...

http://youtu.be/Pb-K2tXWK4w

Just ask

I’m not going to lie; the last few weeks have been really rough. My relationships haven’t gone as planned, lots of doubts have crept in, the stress has become over-whelming, and people have just been mean. But, at my worst moments this week, God has been there, and it is so evident as I was reflecting on my week tonight.

~~~~~~

When I was crying about being alone, my friend Debra texted me and we went out to dinner together.

As I doubted my thoughts on a future career, God sent me encouragement.

As my self-esteem got a little shaky, God sent me Casey.

As I got angry at school, God had my mommy text me to encourage me.

~~~~~~

But here’s the thing, I had to go to God and say I can’t be a senior alone, to get help. I hate asking for help. But I couldn’t get help if I didn’t ask for it. Being a Christian doesn’t mean going at it all alone, it means joining a community of people who give and take. When I need help, I have people to help me. When you need help, ask someone. Maybe that first person isn’t the one that’s meant to help you, but there will be someone there to help you. Don’t get discouraged; get encouraged by the love of God. There will always be someone there for you, you just have to ask.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

-Matthew 11:28-30

(I apologize for this little rant)

The end marks a new beginning

Tonight is it. Tonight, I walk across the Franklin Pierce High School Cafetorium stage. I will have gray hair and wrinkles, and spout for too many religiously judgmental things, but I know that I will be 100% present in that moment.

I will stand with my cast one last time.

I will hold Allycen’s hand, my bowing buddy at the end of every show.

And then, I will cry.

Bet you didn’t see that coming! (OK you probably did)

I will cry because it will be the end. I have poured my heart and soul into the FPHS theater program for the last four years, and it all will culminate in a final bow. I’m going to miss backstage dance parties, Saturday morning set days, and the inside jokes that make my heart burst with joy. Trust me that I will never forget the fantastic moments I’ve had.

While I will be sad tonight, I won’t be sad forever, for I will tackle new things, exciting things.

Moving to a new state.

Making new friends.

Learn about my future career.

And tell other people about my life back home.

Unfortunately, this chapter must close. There is no way around it. But the end of one chapter means the start of a new one. Am I ready for that? I think so. At least I will be when the time comes to start writing me new chapters. But, for right now, I will live in the moment and let these chapters end in their entirety. Because nothing is more beautiful than living in the moment.

I'm a scaredy cat

I’m a big scaredy-cat. I’m afraid of snakes, the dark, scary movies, and clowns. There is actually an extremely long list of things I’m afraid of. But, the thing that scares me the most, are the things I have no control over, which leads me to fear dreams.

If you know me, you know that I am a dreamer. (I know that’s a contradiction, but just stay with me.) I’m constantly thinking about my future. Where I’ll live, what college will be like, what job I’ll have, and who I’ll meet are all questions and thoughts that scare me.

I have tried to avoid thinking them, but I just can’t. Every single attempt has failed. So, I’m left with my thoughts and the things I want, but I’m not sure I’ll ever have.

It causes me to not want.

I can’t control how others will feel about me, or what obstacles will be thrown at me or what will happen to others and I can’t waste my time on those thoughts, and neither should you.

I am a part of a fantastic Bible study that has a terrible tendency of sharing everything. Every time I share something I want, one of my desires, my girls always tell me to pray about it, and I usually reply with, “but I’m scared.” Obviously God’s plans are better than my own, but they aren’t my own plans and I’m scared of that. My Bible study leader replies with the same thing every time. “What’s the worst that could happen? He’ll have three replies either yes, not right now, or I have something better.” I then go and pray because Alyson is just a fount of wisdom.

So what desires do you have that you are scared share with God? Because trust me, it’s better than planning for yourself.

(This is my over-dramatic scared face. You like?)

Where my shoes will be (Part 2 of Let it go)

So, if you have just started reading this blog, I encourage you to read the last one. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Now that we are all caught up, here is where the sstory continues.The speaker at the event then continued to say that he regretted not ever facing his fears and going in the deep end. “How many times are not going in the deep end where life is more exciting, where we need to be?” As I’m sitting on the floor with hundreds of other kids I don’t know, God spoke to me. He told me where I’ll be attending school next year.

Next year, my shoes will have sand on the bottom. They will be sticky from spills at amusement parks. They will be wet from sweat, not rain. (I realize that’s gross, but we all have feet that sweat.) They will be taking me on adventures in Fullerton, California. That’s right ladies and gentlemen; I’ll be attending Hope International University in the fall. That is my deep end. That is taking a chance, but I know that’s where God wants me. I will be majoring in family and youth ministry and learning about a culture I desire to change. I will be taking a chance, but God will be right there, holding me. AND I’M SO EXCITED!

Please pray for finanacial assitance to come through and that fear wouldn't get the better of me as I get closer to my departure.

Let it go

Those three words can pack quite a punch, but sometimes, they are just what we need to hear. Last Sunday at church, I was speaking with Paula Dawson, a woman who could be another mom to me, and we were talking about college. Her son, Drew, is my age and Drew, Paula, and dad/father Paul had just got back from checking Drew’s first choice school and she asked me if I had made up my mind. I promptly told her no, because while I was leaning towards a school, I hadn’t made up my mind. She said, “That’s OK, but it’s so exciting because God has you right in his hands.” While I realize that, I often forget it.

Tuesday night my soul sista, Maddi, sent me the picture above for two reasons. One, because I adore balloons (another story for another blog), and reason number two is because I tend to hold onto things for far too long. Balloons are the perfect symbol for letting things go. They just float away and never return again. I remember being little and letting balloons go in remembrance of loved ones who had passed away. My sisters and I would stare at the sky longing for them to return, but realizing that was impossible.

 

God used that image to penetrate my heart that night. I went to bed that night with a heavy heart. I needed to make some college decisions and didn’t know how. I just started crying and said,
“OK God you take this. I don’t want to deal with it any more. I’m putting it in your hands and just give me a sign and I’ll go to the college you choose. AMEN!!!!!” With that, I cried a little more and went to sleep.

 

Wednesday, I attended the Josten’s Leadership Conference at the Kent Showare Center. The first speaker of the day was from inner-city Chicago and never learned how to swim. When he and his friends went on a cruise, he never left the shallow end.

 

And on that note, you’ll have to wait a little longer to see how this story ends. A Pocahontas movie night with my sisters is calling my name. It is the important things in life.

My new life

I made some mistakes last week:

1.       I wore TOMS when I should have worn rain boots and rain boots when I should have worn TOMS.

2.       I ordered mac ‘n’ cheese at the Red Robin when they were all out.

3.       I let people ruin my week who won’t matter after I graduate.

Some of the things I learned last week:

1.       Accurately monitor the weather forecast while living in Washington

2.       Always have a well thought out backup plan when ordering at a restaurant (my mac ‘n’ cheese alternative was a burger with things I hate on it. TALK ABOUT DISAPPOINTMENT!)

3.       No one should control my happiness.

I also learned that we learn lessons too late. Many of these could have been avoided if I had slowed down and checked the weather, checked the menu, or checked with God. Huh, funny right? In our fast-paced world, we make brash decisions that hurt us in the future. Imagine if life slowed down a little. If we didn’t have 30 million things to do, voices we’re listening too, and expectations we think we have, would we make different choices? I would.

Tomorrow marks a change in my life. Life really can’t slow down, but my perspective can. I won’t wear my TOMS to impress others (which is kind of what I did), I’ll consider my meal orders to make sure I get what I want, and I won’t let anyone determine my level of happiness, that’s between me and God. You should adopt that philosophy too. The first time I can ever remember hearing this advice was watching The Princess Diaries when Joe informs Mia that:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor Roosevelt knew that no one would determine her happiness

and no one will determine mine.

(I realize that this is more of a New Year's Resolution post, but I didn't have this epiphany until just now)

The things shoes have endured

Chances are someone has told you to walk a day in their shoes, that person’s shoes, someone else’s shoes, etc. If you had to literally walk in my shoes, you’d be pretty lucky considering I basically wear TOMS and Converse every day, I value comfort. But, if you figuratively walked in my shoes, it wouldn’t always be comfy. That’s not to say that I have a hard life, but I’m 18 years old, trying to plan my future, and be present in my day-to-day life. I know, that’s nothing compared to what the rest of the world has going on, but each person’s journey is filled with hard-ships that are monumental to them. My shoes have been soaked in tears, caked in the mud of trials, dusted with the laughter of friends, and worn out by the adventures of life. Think about what your shoes have endured and where they could take you.